Who Am I
I am a product of my environment but the results of my choices!
Born to a drug addicted mother and alcoholic father, June of 1981 in St. Louis Mo. Here, nothing was planned or expected outside of being another statistic. Born to a typical single parent, welfare financed household, that bread nothing more, then drop outs, homicide victims, and one day soon to be gang members and inmates. The bar wasn't very high, and the challenges I would face growing up almost certainly, held the door open for me.
Who am I.....I was once a statistic, I was once an inmate, I was once on a path of destruction, a path that guaranteed me a bed behind bars for the rest of my life or dead. I was the second born to an 18 year old, drug addicted, rebellious abused drop out who never made it past a 9th grade education. A teenage mom labeled the black sheep who with no education, no job and no real family support was starting a long journey and trivial pursuit to happiness that she may never truly achieve. Statistically another welfare recipient, another young unwed, black teen with 2 children out of wedlock who would become dependent on the system and raising children who were sure to do the same. Who am I.....
Who am I..... I am a convicted felon, I am a youth Activist, A certified Professional life Coach, small business owner and serial entrepreneur. I am a father I am a product of my environment but the results of my choices. From abuse and homelessness, to adoption and abandonment from prison to laying on my death bed, I've survived more then I ever dreamed I could. By the grace of God I'm here, still standing. I'm strong and I am free!
I've seen more dead bodies in real life then most war vets and have enough PTSD to have me on meds for the rest of my life. I've been in more homeless shelters then I can count, because my mother chose drugs over rent, and liquor over the electric bill.
I've been beaten with every household item you can imagine because my mothers all-nighters made her irritable and for some reason angry at me. the roller coaster ride for me started at birth and seemed as though it would never end, not for me. I've lived with every immediate family member willing to take me but nothing permanent. Until for the last time, my mother went on yet another binge and abandoned my sisters and I. In a home with no electricity, no food, no supervision for weeks and my white Lesbian parents where willing to take us in.
At least that's when I thought things would be permanent. But in my life, I learned quickly, that nothing last forever! That was the theme and I learned to live it very well. a few short years later and a move from my hometown of St. Louis Mo, to Denver Colorado. Where myself and 2 little sisters were then, divided by my foster parents. Who up and one day, out of the blue with 0 warning weeks before Christmas. Decided it was best to place me out of home, away from my siblings and into a group home. No communication no contact, and one final visit to say goodbye. I spent the next 2 plus years bouncing around Colorado group homes and juvenile detention facilities for running away from group homes, I didn't feel I deserved or belonged! This was my life spiraling far more out of control then it ever was! never-the-less, this was my life and this was the only life I knew. In a moments notice, things change, don't get attached, don't get my hopes up and trust was a myth! Eventually even the system got tired, this was nothing new! My final trip to youth detention and court entailed, a Juvenile Court Judge expressing to me that I was beyond control, and couldn't be helped, so I was emancipated, set off on my own and told to sign myself out of the jail upon returning! Good luck and good bye! phase 3, 4 or 5 was about to start.
17, homeless, jobless, no family support and no where to go! My life continued to spiral out of control from bad relationships to sleeping on the streets to incarceration. My life was a mess, I was back and forth in and out of the county jail until again the system got tired and I did just enough to land me a 6 year prison sentence! My anger, unmedicated, untreated and unmanaged landed me a criminal mischief charge and probation wasn't going to cut it. I had just welcomed my first born of 4 children at 21 and was out on bond on my way to prison, scared, nervous and not ready for where my actions where taking me. the fear, the disbelief, the failure, the troubled life I was born into and living had caught up to me.
This isn't a rags to riches story, this is a real life story about adversity and struggle. This is my story about choices and Gods plan this is a very short version of the real life horror and pain I endured growing up. the challenges I faced and overcame. Because in the end I deserved better and more then thinking I deserved a better life I wanted it, I worked for it, and realized how my choices, where taking me in the opposite direction of the life I felt I deserved. I am a product of my environment and up-bringing but I'm also the results of the choices I make. I've laid on my death-bed unconscious for weeks struggling to survive meningitis, I've been to prison, I've been abandoned, and abused, I've been stabbed and shot at. I've been on the streets, I've lived in and walked through some of the worse neighborhoods in the us and survived! I've visited the thoughts of why and how to many times to count and to say the least I end up right back at the same conclusion "God Plan!" I'm here today because of it. So who am I.....
I'm someone who's struggled with bouts of depression and anxiety I'm a product of a single parent, abusive household and drug addicted parents. I'm someone who got good at hiding pain and learning to bury it deep while perfecting the idea of a manufactured smile! I've fought and lost while trying to escape the mental chains that kept me reliving my past. But I'm also someone, who instead of trying to escape the chains. I found the keys that unlock them. I'm a survivor, I'm a Life Coach and Youth activist. I'm a Father, A hero to the people that call me dad. I'm a product of my environment, I'm the results of my choices.